Sunday, November 21, 2010

Day 4 challenge


1.) Nap, please.

2.) Why did I ever switch my major?!?

3.) I wonder how much money I can find hidden in the couch?

4.) How much farting is too much farting?

5.) I really am pretty lucky.

6.) God, M is smartprettyhilariousmoodyareincarnatedJoanCrawfordemotionalinneedofabathfantasticsnuggly.

7.) What was the SPLIT moment in time that made x event happen this way? And if I had done 1 thing different, would it have changed it all?

I should probably add to this list:
* I am hungry
* Am I the only one here who thinks our house is one step above Hoarders?
* What's that smell?!?
* Why aren't you cooking me dinner?
* Wow, now that's some amazinghairfreakishdisfigurmentalarminggoiterimpressivefashionsense!
* If I had some money, I could do _______(fill in the blank)________
* Why didn't I think of that!

What about you? What do the voices in your head talk about?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Day 3 Challenge


1.) Cook me dinner. Seriously. I love to cook, but I dont love doing it everyday.

2.) Know how to laugh...with me, at me, at you, etc.

3.) Wear glasses. I like 'em nerdy and brainy.

4.) Be the underdog.

5.) Understand that I need space. I like my alone time. I like time with my friends. It doesn't mean I dont love you. It just means that I need time to be me. -by the way...this is one of the best things about my husband. He gets me.

6.) Be kind to people. Care about them.

7.) Have passion in your life.

8.) Be ready for an adventure!

Feelin' Proud

I whipped up this wreath last night in about 10 minutes. The best part?

It cost $3!!!!

I bought all the supplies at the Target Dollar Spot (love that place!). It's 2 tubes of mini glitter balls (tee-hee) and the wreath.
I love making wreaths. I'm not sure what that's about...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Remember... I once said that my sister Emily is one of my favorite artists? It's totes true. Check out her work here and let the proof be in the puddin!

Emily had her MFA Thesis show this past April and her prints were breathtaking. You can see below how adorabible she is and how awesome her work is.

And Miss M got to attend her first (hopefully of many) art openings. Look at her, little avant garde thang that she is!

Today's Challenge

DAY TWO: Nine things about myself

I already wrote 33 things about myself. But here's my attempt at more.

1.) As a child and into early adulthood, I wanted to be a fashion designer, an artist, an actress, a singer, an author, a russian history scholar, an archivist for the Smithsonian, a chef/cafe owner and a drama teacher. I still dont quite understand how I ended up in social work. I fear that after having worked in this field for over 10 years has made me hard and jaded. Every day, I lose a little more of that liberal idealism that helped nudge me along all this time.

2.) I think that everyone has a story. And people want to be heard and touched. My dad once told me that was his professional philosophy and I think of it everyday.

3.) I recorded an interview for StoryCorps with my bestie Colleen and it remains one of the coolest things I've ever done. We recorded our interview in a tiny booth in the middle of Grand Central Station, which lent an air of coolness right there. We talked about nothing really...why we were friends, our hopes and dreams...silly stuff. But it was an awesome experience and I wish that I would do more oral history stuff with family and friends. Perhaps this will be my new project...

4.) I'm really sappy and sentimental. I save weird things - ticket stubs and menus and randomness because it all has meaning to me. I have notes from high school, cards from my birthdays, report cards. It means zilch to anyone else, but I keep it. Now that 3 of my grandparents are gone, seeing things they wrote or made is my connection to them. One of my favorites is a big manilla envelope full of old Polaroids. My grandpa gave it to me for my birthday right before he died. He went through and collected all these photos - me as a baby, me and my siblings, him and my grandma...and he labeled all of them.

5.) I cry at least 4 times a week. I am sappy and emotional and I get my feelings hurt often. I pretend to be tough, but really, I have thin skin. I hate seeing people be rude to others - it will literally make me cry. Once when I was pregnant, I was in line at the post office. The man in front of me was on his cell phone, but not being obnoxious about it. The man in front of him turned around and screamed at him for being rude, talking to loud, etc. And I just lost it. There was no call for that. A simple "would you mind speaking quieter?" would have suffised.

When I was a kid, I used to cry when I would see old people or old houses. Not because I was afraid, but because I was thinking of how much they were loved once and how much they had lost. And it still makes me sad to this day.

6.) I have intuitive dreams. I have dreamed about 3 of my aunts kids before she told me she was pregnant (down to the detail of what they looked like, when they would be born, etc.). I used to dream about my grandfather after he died and it was literally as real as me being in the same room with a living person. I've dreamt about bad things before they happen and have strong deja vu.

7.) I think there is nothing more beautiful than standing in the surf of the ocean, letting the water rush over your feet. To me, that is paradise.

8.) I am one loyal bitch when it comes to my people. Dont cross them or you'll cross me. I beleive I was once described as carrying a bayonet in front of Colleen, poking people out of her way. I really dont think it was supposed to be a compliment but that's the way I've taken it.

9.) I feel incredibly lucky and blessed beyond all belief to have a good husband, a healthy child, weird but supportive parents, siblings that I think of as friends, friends that I consider sisters. I dont know what the hell I've done to deserve them, but I'm not knocking it!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

To make you smile

Weekly, this show makes me remember how much I love to sing. And how much I miss being in choir. And how much I love when something like "Singing In the Rain" is made new again.
Watch and be dazzled!

10 Day Challenge

A friend on Facebook has issued a challenge. For the next 10 days, I'll be posting along with those challenges.

Today's task is to write 10 things you want to say to 10 different people right now. I could be trite and write, "Dear Ewan McGregor, I wanna skrunk you." Or "I am more in lust with Jim Halpert than I am with just about anyone else." But what's the challenge in that (though to be fair, being witty is tough work)?

So here's what I've come up with. Each one goes to a different person or group of people.

10.) I hate being sick. And even though I'm on an antibiotic, I still feel like poop.
9.) Sorry to my daughter's preschool class. I know I was supposed to make stuffing for tomorrow's Thanksgiving feast, but brownies in muffin pans was the best I could do.
*Side note: I am noticing a theme of foods in muffin pans. What the hell is this about?!
8.) I really, really miss my family. My parents recently moved to North Carolina, my brother and his wife live in DC and my sister, though only 30 minutes from me, seems like a universe away. We aren't able to be together for the Holidays this year and while I know why, I dont have to like it.
7.) We are about 3 days away from living in an episode of Hoarders, family! We need an intervention!!! And also a maid.
6.) I love you. I do. I love you. And I dont say it enough.
5.) I hate that I didn't watch Glee with you on Tuesday. It was a great episode, but watching it alone was weird.
4.) I hate that no one picks up my slack at work when I'm gone. I hate that I'm expected to do 4 jobs at once with no thank you or pay increase. I hate it.
3.) Wait until you see how freaking ADORABLE our holiday cards are this year!
2.) I didn't get you sick, silly.
1.) I'd like to buy a vowel.

What 10 things do you want to say to people right now? Are you good at telling people what's on your mind or do you hold it all inside?

Tomorrow's challenge: 9 things about yourself. Start thinking.

Monday, November 15, 2010

For your veiwing pleasure

(all images from We Heart It)

I am sick today. Again.

So I've spent hours looking through photos on We Heart It, ffffound and etsy.

Enjoy these shots of my main squeeze, Mr. Mcgregor. I'll be back later in the week.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Official BURLESQUE Trailer - In Theaters 11/24

My best friend and I are headed to see this movie the day after Thanksgiving. I haven't been this excited to see a movie since Rent. Anyone else planning to see it?

Date Night

Oh Date Night, how I've missed thee.

The Mister and I went out tonight to do a little Christmas shopping for the Divine One and to try and reconnect. Mission accomplished. We went to the Macaroni Grille for dinner, stuffing ourselves silly with that delicious bread loaf and cream sauce and calamari. It was so nice to sit at the bar and eat without having to take someone to the bathroom 300 times, without someone whining, being able to finish my meal while it was hot.

After getting all the items on the VERY specific list given to us by our 3 year old (p.s. we dont have cable. Where is she learning about Pillow Pets?), we went and bought a new coffee maker, a Christmas tree and a Starbucks latte. We headed for home, put on the sensibles, tucked into a beer and I made an apple pie.

Honestly, I know to a lot of people this sounds like the lamest night ever. Hell, 10 years ago I would have thought so too. But now...I just described heaven kids! It's all about perspective, right?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

TGIF, Mother Humpers!

This has been one heck of a week.
To highlight the minor injustices:
* I started what can only be described as the Niagra Falls of periods.
* I just discovered a pimple the size of a dime growing out of a stretch mark. How in the hell is this even possible? How did I get this gross? And seriously? When you sprout a pimple out of a stretch mark, the universe is trying to tell you something.
* I went the store tonight wearing dirty sensibles, a "Save the TaTa's" Sweatshirt and my hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of my head. It's official...I've given up.

Work has been insane this week, my daughter is channelling Joan Crawford for temper tantrums, I cant remember the last time I kissed my husband goodnight. And the worst is...we got news about our friend's wife and newborn, who underwent a completely awful, unfair fluke of a birth accident and are now fighting just to survive. This has left me feeling raw and beyond sad, helpless, thankful yet heartbroken. Those feelings wear a sister out, y'all.

So my answer to all this? Pick at the pimple (yep, I'm that gross kid). Drink Coke and eat a sleeve of Holiday Oreos. Catch up on this season's America's Next Top Model. And hope that tomorrow is a better day.

Tomorrow is another day, after all.

P.S. Hug your babies close tonight. And count your blessings.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Eat your heart out, Nigella

The little one and I spent the day cooking and perfecting our Domestic Diva routine. First we made mini-apple pies, using this recipe. It was perfection...the crust was light and flaky, the filling savory and sweet. I added a little pumpkin pie spice and ground cloves, which I think made it amazing.
This was my first attempt at making pie crust since college, when my roommate's mom tried to teach me how to make it with disasterous results. I was super proud of myself for getting it right this time, and Miss M loved kneading it, as seen above.
Yesterday at my inlaws, I saw a recipe for egg noodles and spinach cooked in muffin pans. It
looked good; I read the recipe and then promptly forgot it. But tonight, I whipped up my best variation.
You need:
* 1/2 bag of egg noodles, cooked and drained.
* 1 box frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed free of any extra liquid
* 2 cloves garlic, minced
* 1 carrot, shredded and finely chopped
* 1/3 cup shredded parmesean cheese for muffins
* 2 tbsp. mayo
* 1/4 cup milk
* Ground pepper to taste
* 1 tsp. nutmeg
* Cooking spray
For topping:
* 1/2 cup bread crumbs, unseasoned
* 2 tbsp. shredded parmesean
* Ground pepper to taste
Preheat your oven to 350.
Cook the egg noodles. Drain and set to the side.
Mix the spinach, carrots, cheese, garlic and spices together. Add the mayo and milk and stir. Add in the egg noodles, stirring to coat.
Spray a muffin tin well, making sure to coat the bottom and sides.
Spoon the mixture into the tins. Use the back of the spoon to tap the mix down in.
Mix your topping together. Sprinkle over the top of your noodle muffins.
Cook for about 15-20 minutes, until the tops are nice and brown.
I wish I would have taken a picture of the finished product, but I was too excited to eat! Needless to say, they were delicious, like a little veggie lasagna. The hubbie and Miss M liked it, which made this lady feel good. Oh, and I served with roasted cauliflower and turnips. Hello, heaven!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Confronting my superstitions and irrational fears

First, a little Stevie for y'all.

I am seriously superstitious. Like, bad. If someone says knock on wood, I have to do it 3 times. Knock twice and I have to add another. If I knock over the salt, I have throw some over my shoulder. I still hold my breath if I drive past a cemetary.

Do you remember the movie "Candyman?" That shit scared the ever loving BEJESUS out of me when I saw it. For those that dont know, this is the legend. It's an awful story, probably based in a lot of truth. For years since I first saw the movie, I cant tolerate even joking about it. Because yes, the is some 4 year old part of me that thinks if I say "Candyman" in a mirror 5 times, he's gonna jump out and murder me. HOLY SHIT. I've just given myself the heebie-jeebies thinking about it.But I decided to try it out. And then I chickened out. This went back and forth for some time. I was going to pretend that I had done it and lie to all of you, but that's more bad karma I cant afford on my account at this juncture. And I cant really take the chance on the C-Man either. I just can't. WHAT IF IT'S REAL?!?!?!?!

Consider this a failure if you must. I'm hoping you're all still rockin' out to Mr. Wonder and aren't even worried about my chicken shit ass.Sing it, Stevie...

T S Eliot Reading The Love Song Of J Alfred Prufrock

In case you want to spend 8 minutes in heaven and listen to T.S. Eliot himself reading "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock."

Poetry in motion

Poetry Day: today everyone is to send a line to the world's longest poem. The opening line is:"Mercy, cried the popinjay to the pope"

"Hark! what dark, forbidding devil I see."


I have just gotten back into reading poetry. I was an English major in college and sort of OD'ed on poetry. There's just something so wrong with picking apart someone else's work. Maybe it only means exactly what's on the surface. And who cares if the poet chose to use "hither" rather than "zither?" Not me. But I found an old textbook that I've been moving from apartment to apartment for 10 years and decided that if I was keeping it, I was going to read it. And so I did. I forgot just how beautiful Walt Whitman's "Crossing Brooklyn Ferry" is. Or how brilliant William Carlos Williams is. Or how heartbreakingly raw "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" is.

"Shall I part my hair behind?
Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers
And walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think they sing to me."

Dont fear the reaper

Today's challenge, like most of them, seemed to come a day late for me. Yesterday I was at a friend's house and saw what can only be described as a prehistoric spider. I would have happily killed it, as would her husband, until she pointed out that if either of us touched it, she'd never be able to touch us again. C'est la vie. But I would have. Especially in the name of the science.

So when I awoke this morning to see what today's challenge was, I was eager to start. We are infested with gnats. well, infested sounds strong. Let's say that we're co-habitating with a small colony of gnats. Our rental sat empty for too long and the stupid bugs just keep coming up from the drains. So I tried to kill some of those. But those suckers are fast. I didn't get one. Shit balls.

While at work in my bomb shelter of an office, I looked for some type of bug. Nothing. I thought about killing the person in my office who keeps having mega blow-outs in my favorite toilet stall, leaving a shit stain on the seat and then fumigating the bathroom with flowery deodorizer spray, but I can't quite figure out who the mystery shitter is.I was beginning to feel like a failure. Desperation set in. A co-worker of mine suggested that rip up some paper and kill some trees and our supply budget. I put that in the pipe for later, determined to find something else.

Finally, at 4:30, I realized I HAD accomplished today's task. I totally killed my assistant's dream of leaving early on a Friday when I bombarded her at 4 p.m. with several urgent tasks. I didn't realize I had done it until her husband came to pick her up and said he'd been waiting in the car for 20 minutes. Ah well. Don't try to pull one over on me. I was looking to kill something today, even if it just was the dream of cheating the system.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I think I just wet myself

My friend Kristen just posted this on FB and I may have died a little.Ray is oh so dreamy and this cover is amazing.

Give a listen and enjoy!

Gypsies, Tramps and Theives

I would live out of a suitcase. Honestly. I love hotels and airports and taxis and noise and being somewhere you know nothing about. I love meeting new people, finding an awesome hole in the wall restruant, figuring out a new place. I love the tiny bottles of shampoo and thrill of landing in a new city. My grandma once told me that our family had gypsy blood and I believe it.

That being said...I haven't been anywhere really. Lots of travel in the US and I've been to Canada a few times. Nothing beyond that. It's a combination of little money and a newly conquered fear of flying.

But here's the thing...that map? There's no where I wouldn't go. If someone gave me the opportunity to go there, I'd do it. Afganistan, Congo, Antarctia? Sure. Sign me up. Would it be scary? Hell yes. But it's an adventure. And isn't that what life's all about?

The Top 10 Places I Want To See In My Life Are:

1.) Ireland. I totally agree with my BFF Bethany, who said that there seems to be something so magically green about that land. I dream about it sometimes. My family is Irish on both sides and I often wonder if there's some sort of genetic pull for me there. Plus, I really want to see this: The Giant's Causeway

2.) Paris. I know it's cliche and maybe it comes from my deep and abiding love of 60's musicals and Leslie Caron, but I need to go there. I need to walk along the Seine and stare at the Eiffel Tower and drink coffee in Montmatre. I need to see Le Centre Pompidou and go to Gertrude Stein's apartment and sit in the stillness of Notre Dame. Also, I love cheese. And France is the best for cheese.

3.) Fiji. I want to lay in a hammock over the ocean and just watch the day float by.

4.) Cuba. My grandfather used to travel to Cuba in the 50's for business and one day, years ago, I came across a whole box of pictures of him in Havana, looking very dapper and Don Drapper-esque. And I was smitten. I want to go and just wander one side of the island to the other. I want to drink rum in a hot dive bar and listen to local musicians.

5.) Russia. Confession: I am a nerd. I almost majored in Russian History in college. This country fascinates me. It's so cosmopolitan and so third world all at the same time. I want to see The Winter Palace in St. Petersburg, ride a train through Siberia and stand gaping in Red Square.

6.) Kenya. I would love to go on a nature safari. Something like a cross between Priscilla, Queen of the Desert and Out of Africa.

7.) San Fransisco. I've never been further west than Dallas. San Fran fascinates me...maybe it was all of the Alan Ginsburg and Jack Kerouac I read in college. PLus I want to see Alcatraz.

8.) Hawaii. Totally a must see. I want to lay on black sand beaches and watch lava flow into the ocean. I want to wear a loud, terrible, campy Hawaiian mumu and learn to dance like the natives.

9.) Italy. I just want to wear elastic waist pants and eat my way up one side of that country and down the other. Okay?

10.) Argentina. But mostly so I can pretend I'm Evita and sing from a balcony.

Where I tell y'all a lil' bit about me.

Since I am 33 years old, I am going to give you the top 33 things you should know about me.

1.) My name is Jessica. I am a married momma of one 3 year old girl, The Divine Miss M.
2.)I am Scorpio by every definition of the word.
3.) I realized in the last few years that I am high maintenence masquerading as low maintenence.
4.) I am a founding sister in a highly cult like group of women known as The Shootin' Hootin' Rootin' Tootin' Laydeez. Each year, we drink in the warm waters of Senor Hot Tub and come up with plots to take over the world.
5.) I am one of the funniest people I know.
6.) I have been married 8 years on August 2nd.
7.) I am a voracious reader and am only 3 credits shy of a degree in English.
8.) I dream about living on a farm/commune = farmmune.
9.) I love art museums and art. My favorite artists are Frida Kahlo, Paul Klee, Chuck Close and my sister, Emily Sullivan
10.) My favorite season is spring.
11.) I fantasize wildly about sexin' it up with Ewan McGregor.
12.) I have a game I play in which I shout out the name of celebrities doing voice overs in commercials. I say it's a game, but no one else ever plays. And actually, I've been told it's one of the more annoying things that I do.
13.) I am political. I vote, I canvas, I march.
14.) I am a lactivist and owe breastfeeding a debt of gratitude for my beautiful daughter and also for the wonderful friends I've made over at Boobland, aka The La Leche League's Mother to Mother forums.
15.) I am a direct descendent of Pochohantas and Anne Boyelyn.
16.) I love musicals. Like really love them. And often wish that my life was more like them.
17.) I write. A lot. But I never show anyone.
18.) I rule at Trivial Pursuit.
19.) My go to karaoke songs are Superstar by the Carpenters or You're So Vain by Carly Simon. If I'm dueting with my bestie Colleen, then it's Endless Love or Africa by Toto.
20.) My dad was adopted and I think I wonder more about his birth family than he does.
21.) I was totally a student council nerd in high school and spent years working as a camp counselor at Leadership Camp.
22.) I met Colleen when I was 14 and we've been friends ever since. We joke that we share the same brain, which is eerily true a lot of the time.
23.) I have a love hate relationship with my hair.
24.) I have had a love hate relationship with my body most of my life, but just recently have been coming to terms with it. Sure I could stand to be thinner, but instead of seeing just ugly fat, I now see a body that created and housed a beautiful little girl, breasts that nourished another person and stretch marks that represent thousands of awesome meals.
25.) If you sing it, I will answer.
26.) I have some alter egos. Most notably are DJ Sometimes Y and D'Reen Funderson. I sure hope that those of you who haven't spent time with either get to meet them some day.
27.) I like to get fancy.
28.) I have 2 tattoos but dream about being covered in them. And piercing my nose. And dyeing my hair pink.
29.) I am addicted to Blogs. Some of my favorites are The Sassy Curmudgeon and Tom and Lorenzo. I check them religiously about 80 times a day.
30.) I want to be on Glee. And I want to be the filling in a Finn/Artie sandwich.
31.) I tried to pick Russell Brand as my freaky sex partner, but was told he's too pretty. So now I've narrowed it down to Dawie Bowie as Ziggy Stardust or Jack White.
32.) I just lost a toe ring that I hadn't taken off in 13 years. I feel naked without it.
33.) I think/talk about pooping and farting A LOT. At what point does it cross over from "point of interest" to "obsession" or worse, "fetish?"

In which I reflect on my life's loves

Well, the day has taught me this: If I hadn't already found the loves of my life, I'd be in big trouble today. I apparently let something crawl up my ass this morning where it has only festered throughout the day. At present, this thing has left me feeling raw, vulnerable and on the verge of tears. I must say that this does seem like an improvement from several hours earlier when I was hit with the feeling that I would literally claw my co-workers eyes out if one more person asked me for one more thing.

Alas, I digress.

At the start of the day, I was prepared to look at everyone through the eyes of love This proved a bit out of my norm, as I work with 30 women and 2 men. Normally, I consider myself a hetero and not inclined towards romantic loving thoughts about my female work peeps. But this experiment being what it is, I set off in the name of science and tried to see them differently.The result? Yeah, no. I dont think I'm missing the love of my life boat there. Sure, some of the them have some lovely qualities. They make me laugh, they make me think. But they aren't making my jingle tingle.

Case Studies (names have been changed to protect the innocent):"Momma" Is a bit ditzy. Rockin' the same hair she did in 1984, which does make me love her a little. Also, has unabiding love for Steve Perry, lead singer of Journey. Also lovable.

The Bug Gun." Wears what can only be described as "fancy lite" to work every day. lovable. Not lovable? Her overwhelming desire to have things be fastidiously clean and overly twee.

"Comb Over." One of the 2 men. Lovable - he has a nickname for me and we talk about our kids every day. Not lovable -I have to gently remind him from time to time that he talks like a sexist pig.

And so in the midst of my shit ass attitude, I decided to reflect on those that I consider the loves of my life. I am supremely blessed. I mean, really. Really, really, really. I have oodles of people that love me and support me and cheerlead for me. I have people I can laugh with and cry with, get drunk and get into mid-level mischief with. I am blessed. And if nothing more, this assignment today has made me really think about that.Those that know me IRL know that I have been dealing with lots of upheaval and stupid family drama lately. I think today's assignment was just what I needed to make me step back and appreciate the people I do have, instead of focusing on their shortcomings. So despite the bug that killed my buzz, I think today's been a good one.


See what happened there?

I almost let this sucker die.

Today I got an email from my friend Kelly who happened upon this blog because I participate in another blog with her. She clicked on my Blogger profile, saw this and then began BERATING me to keep writing. Well, not berating but it was the kick in the pants I needed to get back here and get writing.

So I write on another blog, which is private but based on this book. Every day we get a challenge, ranging from weird to funny, thought provoking to dumb, sad to real deal. It's been fun (though I also slack a bit there. Just in the essence of full disclosure). Kelly suggested that I post some of my posts over here, so immagonna and you cant stop me.

Bear with is totally my goal to be a blogger extraordinaire like The Sassy Curmudgeon who rocks my socks off at least 3 times a week with her witty reparte.